The failure of not having you



2:00 AM
Its certain and obvious that man’s love of teenage is not the eternal one, and it’s been proved in many cases around that, the one who fall in love are just the one who wish for being together with someone, in their LIFE rather than just spending alone ,with their life.
My instinct about this is that during any kind of proposal or step for declaring your love for anyone, what people only lack is that it’s just something which is momentary, it’s certainly the time when you risk all the bond of friendship and thrust yourself into that stream for which you never use to feel sorry, unless you ponder your thought a year later or another.
I can’t hit, and on whole I am no one to hit on all the success stories of love, but targeting on the one which has failed, has only given some scars on heart which are so brutal to be filled even by the medicinal time, it’s that point where I just close my eyes and pray to eternal that let it be fine all the time.
If I just take a fine sleep at night fine in a sense with the dream of her, ‘just asking me to be there with her, holding my hands’ what I do at that instant is just few promises of being there together fighting the time’. I lie amidst with all my thoughts of care, love, affection, and more certainly something as Infatuation hidden in the curtains of time.
When I just gently take a swift back in my time, what I miss more is just fine line of trust carried on with the blind faith on me, for something or from the instant of life, when I was lying alone, backstabbed from the generosity of time and some highly  affectionate friends who thought nothing before stabbing.
Well a fine start of friendship is only when you are alone idle and with full of sufficient time to donate to a single one and that’s what which was with me all the time in those days. When life took a turn in the way of aggression for me, I loved life in the way of experiences and I still die for those experiences which made me to find a beautiful soul in my life.
Love certainly just start with a single spark of infatuation , have read somewhere but I find it difficult because I found that only when I was able to deny my other infatuation for the sake of that girl whom I call the reason of Love in this chapter of Life.
It was more sort of a freak story then something like cosy tales of love which finds its soul in time and at the right moment and end up with the strings of marriage. Because here what I see is just mirage of everything.
Teenage is the starting phase of being confused and that’s what people carry with themselves with all their love, or that’s what they feel that its love but they don’t to what is the essence of it. Where being a teenager my love lies in kissing and being physical I could have been a grown up to think more on the care section than on this physical terms.

Highlighting just these days scenario people end up in love for nothing but just to feel the touch of the skins.
This is something which is behind the curtains of time when you just take a step to lead your way in the way you never wanted, When life turns out to be an abbreviation you find everything which has happened with you , that love turns to be lust, that care turns to be simple stairs for being physical.
And that’s how you destroy all the essence of the past relationship which you shared with something just with the four letter word which you call it as BLAME,
for the time you where not there with her, to the time you wished to be there with her.


Something which ends all the essence is just you and your eternal love, because you know that leading a life away from the one whom you once promised can be difficult for you, but it can be really shattering for her, at that time what you do is just to simply convert all the love of yourself in the real mistake of time, from the stream of infatuation to the bonds of lust.
So that even time turns his eyes against you and make you suffer, so that what can be with her is just those simple hatred with the word LOVE, and blame on the time, and a sharp dagger on your face for what all you did not for the time you turned out to be a bad lover.
But for the time and for the love, you once shared and in the end you just declared that those things were all fake.
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7:00 Am (Morning)
ahh that’s really so damn shit!
Every night I fall asleep with the same pain of not having you, and every morning I wake with the same guilt of stabbing on the back. And the rest the dream is all the same as above, blaming the time, the teenage life and the failure of not having you.


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© 2013, copyright Sankalp Singh


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