Complicated Relationship (The Night I felt all alone)

COMPLICATED Relationship


The night I felt all alone




"Love, a word which brings smile, in any of the relationship you are, A single word which entangle in the web series of emotions and trust which is just build by the understanding which the two heart possess"

I am not a day dreamer neither do I dream a lot since then the moment That happened and i felt alone every Night.
A relationship , can be of any type , but that doesn't bring us away from the fact, that how it has to be, to always be the one who stand by on their partners side.
I was just so damn curious about falling in love with all the love story which i watched, every love tunes use to make me admire to have someone with whom I can share the moment with, to have someone with home I can say that Honey! I love you.

"Time, is what which brings smiles as well as pain, and if you are a superstitious person then you can even tag it with the single word DESTINY"

But Destiny was not the only thing which was related with the happiness which i posses, that's what I got to know since THEN.

"Over a year I was just fascinated with all the love tales and love story which i used to read in novels,which made me to think about my fairy tale story, and generated an expectation of having a partner "Who is going to love me like no one else?". Since then my curiosity changed into my wish , and my wish to something with a need from life.

"Relationship is something which offers support ,it can be emotional or psychological "

It started with a simple, hello!!, and some series of smile which, He used to pass me in college when he use to glare around.
I mean no offence , I was also having the crush and most of the time, I also use to reply him with the same smile.
And when someone use to ask me why ??
Rendering to the moment, I JUST USE TO SAY, IT HAPPENED.

"Love is all about the availability of the person for his/her partner"

It just took some really loving moment for me and him to finally come to a conclusion after two year of friendship that we are actually  made for each other , Yeah it is a bit slow in this new 3G world , but that was something which i felt .

"that let just time decide the fate of oneself, not us"
                                                                       
       
And the best part for this was that he also felt the same, I mean i felt like it was worth spending time with the person and finally shaping your relationship in a way that they can actually understand the need of each other and choose their decision in the favor of both. And that's what relationship is all about?? am i right?

"I know life offers you some endless problem which are, really impossible to deal with when you are alone,and that is the time when you finally get soothed that you have your trump card :) to support you and stand every time by your side to just let you feel the essence that you are not ALONE.

And that was the only time when I was so loved , and i felt so complete with him that we decided to finally take our relationship to the next step.It was the time, that we finally rolled our life, and told our parents that we want to be there together for our whole life.
That was sure that it brought many ups and down in pulling them all in favor to this, but he actually stood there with me to support me for all the time.

"That was the moment, when i felt, LOVE can take this blend too"

I never imagined to get a proposal out of no where with a cute ring, and some lines "Like he still wants to be on the same couch sitting next to me, after 50 years with a popcorn bucket and that same television set chattering loud. I am sure that was actually the day which every girls dream for, to be with the person whom they love , and that was the moment for me.

"You always have something to share with the partner in LOVE, and that something can be anything."
We finally found the right time the right place and the moment all set, to check the next state of love.
Out of no where he came from the back and hugged me tightly by just saying I love you have, and planted a kiss on my neck, I surely got the instinct and that was moment when we finally share the complete state of love.

"We were engaged , we made out, and we were happy, there was nothing bad in our relationship,until THAT happened"........

..............................................i could see the anger on his face, He spoke nothing for a minute and after that out of no where a statement came breaking the chill of the moment Its NOT POSSIBLE.

and THAT was something which happened just after a hugged him and congratulated him with the quote that Honey , I am Pregnant.
It could have never been so crucial moment for me, when i would have felt like my whole world have shattered just in front of my eye, I was numb and could have hardly felt the sound of the air even, I tried expressing it in the form of tears, but i failed.

I just holded his hand and tried to question by gestures "Whats the matter?" with the other one "why it can't happen? and then finally bursted into tears, when he finally took a pause and repeated his last statement that its not possible and, lifted my hands off me and finally LEFT.

I was, actually unable to express the state in which i was, and more over i was unable to believe "that is it the end" of my fairy story............it has been 2 hours from the moment, and I was just unable to stop that every single drops of tears which was falling down, to just sooth me, from the  pain. I cross checked my cellphone every minute to get a  ping from him as i was tired of hearing the No answer state of all my calls.

I could have never been so mad in LOVE that is when i felt that Love can change you. I cried and waited for all the moment and restricted myself from all the time and urge of ending the life to no where.
Suddenly the phone rang, I picked up the called desperately and spoke I am sorry if there was any fault from my side, and after a moment i heard the voice, that sweet calm voice of my mother asking "Is there any problem ,Beta".............................it took me a minute to hold on my senses and tears and reply her back in normal tone and say "Mom i will talk to you later". I banged the phone on wall, and started crying again. That was the goodnight call which my mother use to do every night. to make me feel that i am not alone at work................who could have never have thought that How alone her daughter is feeling , Tonight.

"Love can for sure make you feel the best and the worst"


Since then on wards there was no nights, when I never felt haunted and alone, indeed they supplied anesthesia while operating me, for the abortion, but the pain was not just on the physical level, i was shattered completely from heart. And this was something which use to haunt me every time.Every moment whenever I saw anything loving, i started imagining about that apparatus those doctors, and nurse and the little life which i shredded to no where, before BIRTH.

There was no such tunes which use to remind me now for love, indeed they remind me about hatred for it.

I was almost unable to see my own reflection in the mirror, i felt like i was raped, and i could have never shared this with anyone, expect mom, and when i did, it really added the next level of hurt for me.I know i was in the bad situation and she had every right to taunt me, but on my part, i had no emotions and no more guts to live with those taunts, and finally she understood those, moments.

I left my JOB and shifted to home, I didn't wanted to feel alone , she cared for me so much, and  tried every possible means for upbringing me back to track, but the scar went deeper both physically as well as inside the heart.

It took really constant effort and so much of patience for me to finally accept that he is gone,

But from no where after 6-7 month no  i saw a  post addressed to my address, containing the confidential tag , I opened that, 
And started crying, it contained my relationship pic and it had one letter, inside.

For sure it was days apart, but having that letter in hand, i still had no guts to tear it, after all what he did to me, i finally found some space in night, and started reading the letter,
He gave me every possible reason to appeal and get me back in relationship , telling me that he also cried for me in the very same way, as I did, He quoted for sure he took a wrong step, but he was just acting fake, for some of the reason which he faced at that time, and now he wants to accept me in the way he left.

I never left him, and he knew this very well, and that's why he quoted everything in the way that it would appeal me, but.........................the only thing which he never knew was.


That the person whom he left six months back was not the one whom he addressed the letter too, for sure she felt love for him in the same way as it was, but.....she was sure that she didn't wanted to bear that unbearable pain again.

He left her no where in the case that any partner would never do, and then finally he wanted her back because it was during that time he understood the essence of sharing the intimacy while you love someone, as those things haunts you in the same way as a ghost would do. Asking your every time about the loyality about the quotient of your loving extent. But once you leave your girl in that state for sure you can never get her back.

I never wanted to be with him now as i tried every possible way to pull my emotions and understand that LIFE CAN't STOP NOW. and i need to live in the way i was destined you. 

Praying everyday to God, and asking "Is this the very same destiny which he wrote for me? "

And answering everytime on my own, that i will surely find love....
                                     
That moment when the time calls me to the him, I find every suitable reason and frame every lies that i dont want him to be with me, but every night when i sit tight on my bed crying by hiding my face underneath my pillow, i could not fake myself that

 He was the one for me,and he is the one.....ALWAYS.

And this was the same state when i found myself so week, that i could not escape form him love....
I never hated him for what he did, I mean i was never able to....

But always thought while crying........that you are meant to be with the someone who is destined for you , but why not destiny be erased with tears , giving space for HIM to be with me, as every LOVE STORY makes me TEAR.


((Write your Reviews in the comment box below if you where able to understand the post, and do share if something happened with you like this, Don't Forget to share with your Friends))
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© 2014, copyright Sankalp Singh


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Comments

  1. Beautiful it is...The worthiest is the one who never leaves you alone whatever the situation is.Though people have quoted that the one who returns back is your true love but how far would you wait in dealing with your true one. Circumstances do heck you up but crossing certain limits of breaking down can never be assure you to get back the one you once left.
    #Shyla:)

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  2. Thats really true on all ground , i mean its really tough to accept the one who left you at the moment when you needed him the most, and then he finally comes from no where, saying that he was actually there with the same feelings, and then. He wants you back.

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  3. bt den dat person has no idea dat wat smbdy hd to bear bcoz of him.. he jst thnks as if tym had stopped behind him....
    btw nyc1.... :)

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  4. yeah thanks for the compliments, and exactly "one can know about the situation only when they put themseleves in someone else shoes"

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